50 ways to say you aredead/goodbye
把之前的《Thor的50种死法》翻译成英文了。所以也发一下。记录个。
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50 ways to say you aredead/goodbye
by ccunohoo
The claret clock showed a sharp 8 am and beeped intrusively.Loki pulled his arm out of the emerald quilt to shut it up, and then stretchedthe other arm out, exposing his chest into the chilling air of the morning. Theblack-hair Cinderella expressed his acerbity and impatience even before hiswide-awake: there was nothing to his right.
Thor was not there.
Thor should be there.
Loki gasped disappointedly, and finally lifted his lids andbody. He couldn’t help letting his emerald pupils puke at the other side of thebed, which made him look acerbic, impatient, and sad.
He combed his hair with his right hand, and dialed with theother to his boss.
“Morning, Mr. Pork.” Loki said with his most dismissiveness.Stories are similar for these managers: little talented, only getting promotedfor his from-a-good-family wife, doing nothing and being paid a lot.
“Good morning, Mr. Laufeyson.” The other side spoke surprisedly.Another lucky day when Loki didn’t talk mean to him.
“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that I cannot show up in theoffice today.” Loki said without sorriness, like he was the boss who assignedhis errands.
“oh-kay…” Mr. Pork seemed very uncomfortable and nervous, “mayI ask the reason?”
“Thor Odinson, my boyfriend who’s living with me,” the disguisewas unnecessary, Loki told the story with obvious temper and despise because ofeither Pork or Thor; he’s not sure, “he is dead.”
The silence was embarrassing. Loki was sure that his bossmust have lost his tongue at Loki’s being homo, or at Loki’s boyfriend’s beingdead. “He went down in an airplane.” Loki added kindly.
Mr. Pork tried his best to recover from the Monday morning torturesand put together finally after clearing his throat, which did not help ease histension. Ironically, he was the one who should not feel tense in a positionpoint of view. “I’m so sorry, Loki”, said the manager.
Being called out by the name made Loki feel even worse, sohe slammed the phone back with an indifferent “gotcha”. He closed his eyesagain, exhaled from his nose and expressed his tiredness. He huddled himself upinner the warmth in his emerald quilt like a harmed turtle, fed up with thecold air and the sadness on his own face.
The damn telephone would not show mercy to him. It rangagain. Loki swore to break his neck if it were Pork again with more questions.
“Hello, Loki.” The tone was not pleasing, but at least itwas not Pork; God bless Pork.
“Good morning.” Loki frowned up at Volstagg’s voice,wondering whether or not Thor could ever make any friend that was likable.
“You know who I’m calling for.” Volstagg was no friend toLoki. He’d like to spare any word if possible.
“Oh, of course.” Loki smiled evilly for some untold viciousplan, “but unfortunately, Thor is not able to take it.”
The phone dutifully passed an impatient snort, complainingLoki’s superfluous tongue, and said, “I’ll call him later.”
“Oops, sorry. I wasn’t clear enough.” Loki was obviously satisfiednow. His delightfulness was even detectable from his voice, “Thor will never beable to take it.” Loki was so concerned that Volstagg’s simplified mind couldn’tunderstand the message that he further explained with generosity, “He’s dead.”
The phone went silent for a while. Loki waited patientlyuntil Volstagg said in a thrilled voice, “I did not follow.”
The black-hair beauty disguised his joy with anxiety, andsaid, “He was so careless. He fell from the alp and no one caught him.”
Loki could have heard Volstagg tell himself that “Don’t believehim. He’s a liar”, but instead, he heard him say, “How come… that I didn’t knowany about it?”
“Oh…”Loki gave his exhausted eyes a short massage and wipedthe liquid off, indulging himself in sadness and tiredness for one second, andcontinued, “It was two days ago. I was told the news only yesterday. You know,some photographer just loves dangerous places. The real, and original SouthAfrica? Extremely stupid!” Cursing Thor released Loki from his chest-achesomehow, and Loki was now able to squeeze out a not-good-looking smile.
“It’s…hard to believe.” Loki was pretty sure that he caughtVolstagg in mechanical grinding sound, which was probably resulted from hisforcing himself to think. The sound paused, and Volstagg asked, “Did Odin andFrigga know?”
“No. Don’t tell them yet.” Loki seemed to panic a littlebit, “I will tell them later, in person. A while later. I promise. But not now.”
“Ok… Try to put together, Loki. I know it’s hard.” The unhiddablesorrow leaked from the receiver. Loki tagged him with “foolish as Thor” whenVolstagg was still chattering to comfort Loki, “Don’t deny it. Thor told us youliked to talk much when you were sad. So I know you.”
You know my ass! Lokirefuted in his mind quietly, halfly because he couldn’t speak with all theemotions flooded in his throat. Loki closed the conversation somewhat seeminglyand hung up with Volstagg still murmuring nonsense. He felt exhausted like hejust completed an insane marathon around the earth, so he let himself fall backonto the face of Thor and his bed, and tucked himself in, imaging having a nicenap as long as forever. At that moment Loki suddenly realized there was nothingas comfortable as a bed, not even Thor’s chest, or arm, or anywhere else.
Then it rang again.
For god’s sake, Loki bet that doltish bulk of muscle musthave phoned up all of Thor’s friends and informed them of his death. The napwould definitely be so ruined by the endless calls following from Thor’s skepticalfriends.
Loki could never be wrong: it was Hogun. Loki wasn’tsurprised at the fishlike surgeon’s being the first one to call.
“There has been some rumor.” Hogun would never hesitate togo straight to the point.
“That’s not rumor. Thor is truly dead.” The fatigue in Loki’svoice was noticeable and real.
“The more certain you seem, the less reliable you are.”Hogun said incredulously.
“Trust me or not,” Loki grinned, “you called forconfirmation after all.” Hit them with the fact; scientists would always fixtheir conclusions accordingly. It’s in their nature. “So, what else do you wantto know, my friend?”
“I’m not your friend.” Hogun was always cold as metal. Hesounded even colder at that time, but Loki noticed the crackles from hiscauseway of rations.
Loki inhaled and relaxed to avoid releasing his emotionsunnecessarily, and he continued, “Thor was in Columbia. You know that, right?South Africa is dangerous. You’ve been there. You should know it better.” Onemore time, Loki closed his eyes, which brought him flagrant sore, and picturedhow Hogun would recall in his own mind about the cruel gunfight that heencountered before. “He was caught in a mudslide, among all those fatalpossibilities.”
“Mudslide?” Hogun repeated in doubt, “Volstagg said he fell,from a mountain.”
“Yes, that was a mountain. At least I was told so the daybefore Thor took off.” Loki did not fluster, instead, he felt confident abouthis story. “The debris flew down along the side. It happened too rapidly forThor to react and get away. Oh, Thor! The team found his body one mile away.”
There’s no way that Loki would miss the long sigh from theother side of the communication, just as if doing so helped release him fromthe tremendous sorrowness. “When can we see him… his body?”
“I don’t know,” Ireally don’t know. Loki repeated to himself. He really did not. “but theysaid the body will not be handed to the team within 2 days.” He wrinkled hisfrowns, feeling vulnerable.
“Got it.” Hogun talked very little, and that’s because he wasnever good at it. Let alone saying something to comfort. However he dislikedLoki, that was still Thor’s boyfriend. He had to say something, to help. “I’msorry, Loki. I really am.” And that’s what he ended up with.
“Uh-huh.” Loki answered, and hung up.
The phone rang again right after. “Jesus,” Loki shouted inhis imagination, “just give me a break!”
Loki was tired. A “hello” would take too much, so he made asound instead. Don’t ever make too manyfriends. Loki decided it should be an ever-right principle. Also, don’t ever make a boyfriend with too manyfriends either.
“Hi, Loki. How are you?” Oh, Fandral, the eloquent Fandral.If there were any friend of Thor who ever liked Loki, and Loki liked him back,it would be Fandral. But definitely not in this case.
“I’m not the one who’s not fine.” Loki was still that meanlawyer soon after he recovered from fatigue, “Why don’t you call Thor if you docare about anyone at all?”
“I don’t care about anyone;I care about you.” How do people put it?Loki tried to retrieve the saying hard from his crowded memory—There cannot be pure friendship between maleand male.
“You are overcaring.” Loki rolled his eyes with most efforts.He hated it, but he did feel the warmth reluctantly, which was familiar onlywhen he was with Frigga.
“Do I stand a chance now?” Fandral was glib as always. AndLoki started to understand it: Fandral called only to show off his wisdom and thefact that he didn’t believe Thor’s being dead at all.
“Please, Fandral.” Loki giggled, so his tense nerves finallygot a short break, “your friend, my boyfriend’s body is still warm.”
“I guess the heat in Columbia will keep it warm for a longerwhile.” Fandral followed, cherishing the precious joking time with the evilLoki.
“Oh yeah.” Loki invisibly shrugged, “But the desert getsfreezing at night. Poor Thor, dried up in the desert in the daytime, only to freezeat nigh.” Loki pictured verisimilarly, thrilled at the last two words.
The conversation paused for one second or two, and wasfollowed by a burst of embarrassed laughter, “hear hear, poor Thor.”
Loki stopped talking, and waited for Fandral to close themeaningless conversation.
“Oh hey, Loki.” Fandral was thinking about the wording, “Yousaid, desert?”
“Correct. The Sonoran Desert.” Loki searched in his memory.Thor did tell something. “You’ve seen those pictures on Facebook, right?”
“I, uh…” Fandral hemed and hawed, “That was several daysago. I haven’t seen any post since.”
Loki shook his head with his frown wrinkled at the happycoincidence. That was close. He was so close.
“Listen, Loki.” Fandral said uncertainly and incredulously, “Anytime,if you need me. Okay?”
“You are so nice and sweet, my friend.” Loki gave him abuzz, and fell over the bed, laughing like crazy, until the laughter turnedinto tears. He rolled himself around agitatedly, buried his crying face intothe gap between the pillows, and droned until the ring annoyed again.
Loki lifted his head up with only fidget on his face, as ifthat wasn’t him crying like an abandoned fool. He picked up the phone sobrutally and carelessly that it bonked at the crash on the edge of the desk. “Whois that?” He asked.
“Sif.” She answered briefly.
“Oh hi, Sif…” Loki was interested.
“Save it, Loki. I won’t believe you.” She interrupted, withher tone full of angers, “Stop spreading rumors! You hope that Thor would fallfrom a hill? Or die in a desert? I don’t even understand how naïve they are tobelieve your lies.”
“A hill? A desert?” Loki expressed true confusion, “Who toldyou that?”
“There’s no need to pretend. We both know it, Loki. I’m notbuying your lies. Not even a letter.” Sif said furiously, but she stayed on theline.
Loki grinned, and then he continued as if he hadn’t heard anyof her statement, “Thor was eaten by a lion. They could not even bear a look.The team fought desperately to retrieve his body.”
“That’s enough, Loki.” Sif sounded enduring, “I don’t knowwhat you are planning at, but…”
“Columbia is evil. I told him not to go there!” Loki almostgiggled out loud, “Why didn’t you help me persuade him out, if you did careabout him as you said?”
“Stop it, Loki!”
“The damn sharks.” Loki went on cursing.
“Sharks? Okay, Loki, you’d better…”
“Diving, swimming, sailing. What was it? Too much love will kill you someday, won’tit? How did that happen at all? Sharks under the water along the beach? Thegovernment should have issued a ban to keep people away, shouldn’t it? Is thereany government not a retard on this planet?”
“If you won’t stop your nonsense….” Sif was so pissed off.Loki saw through her disguise and he knew she wouldn’t go for a reason.
“How does the government run the country at all? How couldthey let cement trucks full with quicksand on the road?” Loki was totallyimmersed in his own world. He was confident that no one was better than him atcreating complicated long sentences. “And let my boyfriend drown in thesehardened rubbish, which did nothing but worsening the urban heat island effect?”
“You know that I’m only a phone call away from the truth,don’t you?” The peaceful tone forecast a rainstorm as universally acknowledged.
Loki suspended his stories, couldn’t help grinning viciously,“Then, why didn't you call him up?”
Quietness arrived at the other side of the line like Sifdisappeared all of a sudden. Loki waited patiently. The intangible pressurecommuted excitedly between the two ends of the line as if they were wrestlingwith no words. Sif was defeated at last, and she answered frustratedly, “Icalled, and failed. For five times. They all failed.”
Loki laid his lids with a tremendous satisfaction andrecovered from the pause, “Thor got run over by a crappy purple scion. Can youeven image it? My poor Thor! I would rather he was shot when dancing at an eastside nightclub. At least that would be quick. Much less painful, isn’t it? Buthe drowned in a hot tub. Jesus Christ…”
In the following short two minutes, Loki didn’t stop cacklingabout different ways Thor was killed. The stories got more and more bizarre andhard to believe, until Sif couldn’t stand it any more and shut him up with ashout of his name. None of them said anything after that. Sif waited, andcalled his name for one more time, “Loki, I…”
“He’s dead.” Loki seemed dejected, but the voice was calm, “Thoris dead.” Then he repeated.
Loki forgot how he ended the conversation. He noticed thatthe phone had been put back, and himself had been sitting on the fringe of thebed for quite a while, when he eventually regained the presence of his mind.Loki looked out of the window and realized it was not a nice day. He was notsure whether it’s because he spent too much time in answering the phone, whichwas on the top of a bunch of things that bored people, or it was just theweather. He felt depressed somehow, and a little sad, and a huge amount ofexhaust.
He lost all of his manners, cursing the fool who was ringingthe bell while going downstairs. He jerked the door open and was prepared topour his worst scold onto the hapless guy. But he did not—Loki let the smirkingmoron pull him into his arms and rub his body randomly, and listened to hisdoesn’t-mean-it blame, “Volstagg was so convinced. I scared the shit out ofhim.”
Loki answered him with nothing but nuzzling into Thor’s neckand sniffing the reassuring smell.
“Why did you do that?” asked the bulk of bozo who wasobviously exposed in a drizzle earlier today, “Why did you say that I was dead?”
“Thor,” Loki made an intimate distance between, and failedto spare an effort to lie, “You said you were leaving. I couldn’t accept that.Killing you was easier.”
Thor laughed, and wiped out the distance again by movingcloser, shutting the door simultaneously, explained that, “I was not about toleave you. I wanted only a tiny punish.”
“Ah.” Loki smiled with genuine like a baby, and turned backinto a villain quickly again, “Look who is being punished right now? Hint,hint: it’s not me.”
“No hurries, Loki.” Thor fitted himself against Loki andslid inside, tittering with glee, “You are on in one second.”
Loki gasped in his nose contentedly, and murmured againstThor’s neck, “I thought you would get your phone back first, and at least sendyour friends a message.”
The blond bulk of moron, who always knew priorities, shookhis head at a slight angle gently, and explained, “They can wait.”